I Converted!
May 21, 2013 was the day I realized how big of a deal my conversion actually was. Not that I didn't take it seriously; I just tried to stay calm, let it happen naturally, and not worry about what to expect.It wasn't until we started talking that I realized I had not taken enough time to think about why I was doing this and answer the tough questions before that day. The Bet Din was tough - it was not comfortable for me. It was emotionally draining, but worth it - of course.
It was as if I had been waiting for that release for TOO long. The best way I can explain it is that I had such a hard time connecting to the spiritual and emotional part of my brain because I had shut it off to religion for so long.
My Jewish Journey
I had my husband and my Rabbi by my side while the 3 AJU Rabbis asked me about my Jewish Journey. I went in hoping I would not cry, but still knowing it was a strong possibility. I began to explain my feelings for teshuvah and Yom Kippur, and they knew there was something deeper happening inside me for that so they asked me to elaborate.I couldn't help but try to hold back the tears when I took a few seconds to think about it. Then it just all came out, and I spewed about my past distaste for religion (which I talk about on my about page). I've always known I don't like being told what to do and I finally realized how big of a hold my family's past religious history had on me. It was so powerful that it finally came out.
My mother was told what to do so that she could be "a good Christian woman". These religious people of authority had no regard for her own well being and how much it might screw up her own family's life. She stayed with an addicted partner when it was not healthy, just because Christianity told her that staying with her husband is what "good people do".
Since then all I've seen are people who tell other people what to do, argue about who's better, what's right and what's wrong; and all of this is based on their religious beliefs. Since when is it okay to tell someone else how to live their life and make moral judgements? But that doesn't matter now, all I want to do is take the next step for myself.
Next Step in My Jewish Journey
One of the most beautiful moments of the day was when I read a portion from the book of Ruth. Up until then I had completely forgot about the story of Ruth. When I read, "where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God".
That was very powerful, and I took one step closer to feeling part of the Jewish people. My next step is to do more Torah study, keep my mind engaged in the spiritual, and continue reading and speaking Hebrew!
